Birthday Eve, 21 coming, Nvr feel this Before

I was imagine the most happy birthday i wanna have in 21, People say 21 is so important then any birthday, I really waitting 21 birthay since long time ago, How happy can turn 21.

21 every people will make big party and do something special, to me is just nothing speacial so common.

Donno why my 21 turn to no meaning even not closer to happy or normal me, i can feel my sad inside my heart, i know what i wan, what i plan is cant be fullfill, wont be any special day.

I need act nothing, because i dowan people who care me will hurt because of me,
espeacially my half, she cant make it to be with me.

Every second closer to my birthday will make me feel so sad, so no meaning in to moro,
some feeling that is canot be describe and canot be explain, really hard.

I know tomorrow should be a happy, i should smile, i should be a birthday boy.

I miss my half, i wan to be with my half, i cant, i useless, i have spoil my realationship with her parent, i cant get qualified, i make my half sad, i make my half suffer.

Even i know the reason she cant acompany me, but the sad is never leave me alone, this feeling suck.

Tomorrow really is be my 1st birthday that i dowan to have in my life, How bored it will make me, how sad it will make me, how pain it will cause me.

If really can make a wish with this kind of feeling in birthday, i will wish my love will complete, i wish her parent will accetp me, i wish i can rich.

Money really that important, before i was that stupid, think money and love was to kind of thing that cant be related, now i understand, even my half was not really care my rich, but will cause my half in a hard situation with parent.

I really cant get happy for 21 birthday, But i dowan my half worried, so i will act happy no matter what happen.

People who know how to read pls donot let my Girlfriend See this Blog, and don discus this problem with me. i dowan to explain or share my feeling.

Thank you