Birthday Eve, 21 coming, Nvr feel this Before

I was imagine the most happy birthday i wanna have in 21, People say 21 is so important then any birthday, I really waitting 21 birthay since long time ago, How happy can turn 21.

21 every people will make big party and do something special, to me is just nothing speacial so common.

Donno why my 21 turn to no meaning even not closer to happy or normal me, i can feel my sad inside my heart, i know what i wan, what i plan is cant be fullfill, wont be any special day.

I need act nothing, because i dowan people who care me will hurt because of me,
espeacially my half, she cant make it to be with me.

Every second closer to my birthday will make me feel so sad, so no meaning in to moro,
some feeling that is canot be describe and canot be explain, really hard.

I know tomorrow should be a happy, i should smile, i should be a birthday boy.

I miss my half, i wan to be with my half, i cant, i useless, i have spoil my realationship with her parent, i cant get qualified, i make my half sad, i make my half suffer.

Even i know the reason she cant acompany me, but the sad is never leave me alone, this feeling suck.

Tomorrow really is be my 1st birthday that i dowan to have in my life, How bored it will make me, how sad it will make me, how pain it will cause me.

If really can make a wish with this kind of feeling in birthday, i will wish my love will complete, i wish her parent will accetp me, i wish i can rich.

Money really that important, before i was that stupid, think money and love was to kind of thing that cant be related, now i understand, even my half was not really care my rich, but will cause my half in a hard situation with parent.

I really cant get happy for 21 birthday, But i dowan my half worried, so i will act happy no matter what happen.

People who know how to read pls donot let my Girlfriend See this Blog, and don discus this problem with me. i dowan to explain or share my feeling.

Thank you

Thursday, 25 june 2009 9.00pm-12.00am.

This post is to memory the day i understand someone important to me,
May be from beginning i really dono what she need or what i cant give to her,

I was so confident from the day we start our relation,
I was so happy just thinking you has become my GirlFriend,
But unfortunate we never have a good day for a good start.

We start when we was apart, October 19 2008,
Still remember on that time she need making decision that against her parent,
She is so sad, so depress, crying, trying, and waitting,
In my memory this is 1st time she against her parent for achieved her own will,
But she gain what she fight to, I happy she not flight away with no trying,

She back to place where she happy ever before, she told me,
The smile on her face can tell how happy she is when together with us,

She doing well on 1st day she back to campus, but i think i disappointer her,
I do nothing, i means nothing i act like a BoyFriend,
We are so uncormfortable, I know I was a man I should take 1st move,
But I din't, so funny.

But so fast we been apart agian, I was the reason putting on her head(wanted)
I admit I do something wrong, (18below cant read) so I skip this path.

We never give up each other, she have been pressure to give up me,
But she din't, she dowan't to, How touch i'm.

Our LOVE just raising with distance, Everyday just slowly dive deeply,
I don care what they say, couple be apart sure will brake up,
I just believe I love her, i wanna be with her.

After

We having a big problem that we never have before,
My blog few post is my sadness post the most sadness,

Sometime I was thinking I will lose her, I was afraid to losing my LOVE,
Because till now not a single day to me for not miss her, care her, love her.

I never expect we will have problem,
I start to learn scare,to learn worried, in our relation,
No matter where is the problem exist, from you or from me,
It must be both, because love canot be a single.

I understand she not a simple girl to have share her feeling to me,
She is a tough girl, all burden will just burried in her heart,

Finally, all the burried has been explore, she told me everything,
Everything I was trying so hard to find out, she told me,
you know how happy i'm, i glad she let me walk in to the heart i wishing everyday.

You must not to forget what you have promise me.

What you hidding is just hurt me, suffering me.

You must try to do the samething to me, like how I do the samething on you.

TRUST really is so important.

You are my sweetheart, what happen to you will affected me, same as what you do.

We have walk trough the problem we face now, I so happy I'm not losing you,
I so happy you need me, you love me.

Please do not have next time again.
I will make you love me more, need me more, understand me more,
Let you know i can give you safety, trust, carrying, happy.

Who you need beside will just is me,

Will you do the sametime to me, I believe you will,

That why I LOVE You,

J&E forever love.

Di Shan tian, Day 3

Wo jin tian mei ke, 9am jiu dao college le,
zuo tian 10pm kenny sms wen wo ming tian yao bu yao qu chang k,
dan wo shui le, joyce 10.24pm ye you sms wo, ta shuo call bu dao ni,
eng wei ni guan ji le, Ta da 017 de.

Wo zuo tian hen lei hen lei 9.30pm wo jiu shui le,
Xiang dao lei le, Cai dao lei le, quan shen duo hao re hao re,
jiu xiang fa shao yi yang, Dan hao cai jing tian wo shui xin wo mei shen bing

Zao shang kan jian kenny de sms wo zai you yu yao bu yao qu,
6am de shi hou wo sms ge kenny shuo bu xiang yong qian,
wo ze ji tian qu wan snooker dou yong wan mei yi tian de ling yong qian,
Dan bu dong gan ma dao 7am de shi hou tu ran xiang qu le,
you sms gen kenny shuo hao ba wo men qu chang 11am de k,
Zao dian dong xi zhuo cai bu hui zai xiang.

Wo men qu Midvalley redbox chang k,11am chang dao 3pm, duo le 1 hour..haha free de...
Kenny shuo yao qu pao pao, dan wo you hen lei hen lei, yi dian dou bu xiang pao,
hen hao xiao de shi ta bu ran wo hui jia, wo jiu pei ta duo 30minute,
gan jue yue lai yue lei le, bu xin le, wo xiang hui jia, Kenny cai ken fan ren.

wo jin tian 5pm dao jia.

Zhuo tian hai man nan guo de, xiang bu dao, mei gen lao po bao dao,
shi jiang tong ku de, xin hao wo hai nen xie blog, bu ran wo zao jiu sot diao le,
Bu guan ni you mei you kan, xie zai ze li, wo xin hui hao guo yi dian dian.

Wo gao bu dong, ni shuo wei de len jing shi gan ma de,
Ni jiao wo bie luan xiang, bie li ni, ben de, sa de, chun de, feng de,
Dou zhi dao shi bu ke nen, Ni you mei you xiang guo ni len jing na wo ne, wo ze me ban,
chu le shui jiao mei yi miao dou hui zai xiang, Ni xiang zen yang,
Len jing shi ran wo hao guo yi dian, hai shi ran ni hao huo yi dian,

Ni lian hua dou bu gen wo shuo, wo gou nan guo le, wo xing gou tong gou fan le,
Ni yi ge ren len jing, zen de jiu she yi ge ren ma,

Wo you bu shi machine shuo off jiu off, shuo on jiu on,
Nen bu xiang wo dan ran bu xiang a, dan wo ban bu dao,

Ni bu dong gai ze me zuo ma, you mei you xiang guo ze shi wo men liang ge ren de shi,
Ni yi ge ren xiang, dui wo hen bu gong ping,
Wei se me jiu shi yao wo sa sa de zai cai ni gan ma, cai ni da an shi se me,

Ru guo wei wo hao, shi bu shi eng gai gen wo liao liao,
Zai jiang xia qu, wo men liang ge dou hen tong ku,

Wen ti hen nan ma, zhi yao ni hai ai wo, bu jiu shi da an le ma,
jiu shi eng wei wo hen ai ni, wo cai shou bu liao xian zai de wo men.

Wo xie le na mok duo, ni you mei you kan wo dou bu dong,
Ni kan le nen ming bai jiu hao le.

Wo jin wan hui sms gen ni shuo qu wo BLOG kan yi kan,
Ru guo ni guan dian hua le, wo ye mei ban fa le.

Wo jin tian ge le joyce wo ge ni de dian hua hao ma shi shi kan.

wo ming tian bu qu shang ke le, xiang zai jia zuo gong ke,

Lao po wan an, Wo ai ni, ye xiang ni.

Di er tian, day 2

Today like normal after helping parent then going college,
Today my class on afternoon 1.30pm,
Morning i arrive college then witting kenny come and going eat breakfast,
After breakfast kenny say wan to play snooker, then me nothing to do so i say OK,
We play snooker till 12.30 then we go eat lunch, I go eat Mix rice the price so expensive,
Walao, rm8.60 1st time eat so expensive, may be i take 2 many fried chicken, so suprise me,
so tonight i plan not eat dinner, scare fat.

Then I going classes 1.30pm i meet joyce she just having class oposite my classes,
When I break on 3.00pm i waitting joyce because i have something ask her.

Keep waitting, she brake at 3.15pm, I'm thinking shit lo, no time chat lo, i go her class and find her, she not there, i saw Ah Fong, i ask where joyce she say at toilet, K, I go outside toilet waitting her, after joyce out form toilet, I ask have you talk to Elaine yesterday she say no, but she say 2day before have in msn, then i say ok lo, she ask me why? are we 2 argue, i say no, but she say look at my face sure is argue, then i say yes lo, she ask y, I tell her everything, then she understand jor, she told me i do the right thing, but dono y me still so pain and so sad "I think my self de", i ask joyce to have a chat with elaine.

because i afraid u will so lonely, and thinking alone will so suffer,
Joyce promise me she will call you tonight, I so happy at least got someone can tell me how are you now, But jocye say may be will not sucessfull, but at least got someone close to you will have a chat with you or accompany you..

Today I arrive home at 6.00pm

Jin tian hui she wo men liang ge zai yi qi jiang jiu di yi tian,
Wan wan quan quan mei lian luo, Wo ye hen mao tun,
Eng bu eng gai sms ge ni, dan hui hai pa,
Hai pa ni hui bu kai xin, ni yi bu kai xin se me duo bian le bu hao,
Zao ni you bu dui, bu zao ni you bu dui,
Xiang ni que bu nen zao ni, jiang de xin qing hai zen de bu hao shou,
Zai xiang ni dao di hui bu hui shui yao 1week huo 1month huo 1year lai len jing,
Ru guo wo shuo wo bu jie yi she pian ren de, bu gen ni lian luo jian jiu, Wo hui bian zen yang duo bu dong.

Wo zai xiang a, wei se me wo men bu nen jiang qing cu, wen ti zai na li,
Wo hen xiang ting ting ni de xin zai xiang se me, you dan xing se me,
Ru guo ni len jin guo hou, ni yi ding yao dui wo shuo qing qu hao ma,
Wo xiang ting ni jiang de, wo bu yao ni yong xie de, msn bu yao, blog bu yao, quan duo bu yao, jiu yao ni yong kou dui wo shuo.

Jin tian hai shi da shuan ran ni jin yi jin, ru guo yao zao ni,
Ye bu dong yao yong se me xin qing qu zao ni.

Wo mei tian duo hui gen ni liao wo mei tian zuo guo le se me,
Bu liao hui hen bu shi guan,
so ye wo mei tian duo huo update wo de blog,
zhi dao ni xiang kai kou gen wo shuo hua....
Jiu zai ze li gen ni shuo,
Lao po Wan an....Muack....

Wo Zai Den Ni

Wo mei ci duo hao xiang shang hai le ni,
Wo bu dong wo jiang zuo dui bu dui,
Wo xing shuo se me jiu gen ni jiang se me,
Wo bu xiang pian ni,
Wo gen bu xiang yin man ni,
Wo bu xiang wo men zhi jiang hui you se me dong xi block ze,
Wo ze xiang yong quan li qu ai ni,
Wo chen ren wo shi jealous,
Wo ye you yi dian bu li ni de gan jue,
Wo siang xing wo men ru guo nen guo ze yi guan,
Wo men hui gen hao gen siang ai,
Wo bu hui qu zao ni, call ni, sms ni, jiu den ni lai zao wo,
Wo de xin ye hen tong, dan wo siang xing ni,
Wo zun zhong ni, ni shui yao de,
Wo dou hui man zhu ni,

Ni gen wo kan qing cu le,

Elaine Ngooi Lee Eng, Wo Ai Ni (^_^) Muacks.......

My Thought

I think you need rest even if you dowan to, in my position I need to care you.

Now days you have live with the life against your will, having no choice, freedom, and always been disapointed from where you are.

Maybe you can endure what is happening to you and you have accepted it, for me i'm not really accepted with what happen to you. But the fact is we been apart we only can meet when "I was free". What i tring to say is even i free, u still in work and din't have time to relax or dating it was a pain to me.

(CONTINUE READ BEFORE SAY I'M WAS A SELFISH)

The pain i have is not from my self, is from you, you have no time to have fun just can keep in house or in your place, have none entertaiment at all, this is the pain i have.

Can You be more selfish, don just care people more than your self, maybe that is really what you need to do, but also need to learn how to keep your burden more light better than more heavy.

Listen :

Let's your self to have a break is to walk more further, To give you joy and fun is my duty,

To me watch you happy is great to me.

My purpose to write this because acompany you for me is not enough, I wan to give you more, because what u have is to little.

Everytime I go to find you, you just working working working, event night also need working.

We don't have time to dating and your place is quite boring, My purpose going find you is to see you and have time with you i know u have try your best to give your time to me. I'm not complaining, just wan to let you know give some holiday to yourself and going out with me, I want me and you to have a totally 1day dating once in few month.

In this i'm abit selfish, who told you not to have holiday, Give our self Chance to have more time and more closer. Your family is our problem, when not given you permission to going out or holiday you are not disappointed alone because I'm beside you, I will feel the same feel on what feel you feel understand.

I will find a suitable time to say all to my Girlfriend what my feeling is.

Will my girlfriend understand, will you all think i'm selfish.

I'm just dowan my Girlfriend live in a boring life, THAT IS PAIN TO ME.

What Should I Do, What Can I Do (Chinese VER)

Wo chen jing zuo cuo le yi jian wo dao xian zai do bu hui yuan liang wo zhi zi de shi qing.

Wo hai le wo de nv peng you, wo bu kai ke ta yi ge bu ke yuan liang de SYMBOL ran ta wei le ze ge SYMBOL er gen wo fen ge liang di.

Wo men de zui li yue lai yue yuan, dan wo de xin dui ta shi yue lai yue jing. Wo men de zui li wo yao fu yi pan de ze ren, shi wo ran wo men mei you yi ge hao de gan qing lu.

Wo ye mei yong, wo ye mei ban fa, wo ye bu dong wo nen wei ta zuo se mok.
Ta xian zai hui de bu kai xing, bu kuai le, bu yuan yi, wo do ze nen yong dian hua lai pei ta.

Wo men xian jian mian do shi yi ke hen nan de ren wu. wo jian ta ye zhi nen yong web cam le.

Wo men nen dong dui fang zai gan ma, dui fang zai na li jiu ze nen sms gen da dian hua le. wo men kan bu jian dui fang, teng bu dao dui fang, pong bu dao dui fang.

Nen de jiu ze shi guan xing le. Wo do bu shi zai mai yuan, wo shi xiang shuo ru guo nen de hua wo nen yong se mok lai jiao huan ran wo men nen gen jie jing yi dian.

Hen duo ren do gen wo shuo wo ze duan gan qing hen rong yi jiu hui mei le, jiu yi wei zui li de wen ti, wo shi siang xin de. so yi wo yao fu cu bi bie ren duo lai bao ci wo men de gan qing.

Ru guo yu yi tian ta shou bu liao le, wo jiu ze hao fang shou ran ta nen tong shao yi dian, rang ta huo de kai xing dian, rang ta mei na mok de lei. Ta de tong ku be wo hai li hai, bi wo hai chan, bi wo de hai nan yin fu, ta de tong ku shi wo bang bu dao de.

Wo pa de shi yu yi tian wo men de Endding bu shi na mok de li xiang, ze shao ran ta huo de kai xing dian, kan ze ta de bu yuan yi, bu xiang, mei ban fa, wo de xing tong si le.

Ta hen li hai, hai nen ren shou ze yi qie, wo que bu nen ren shou da de ku.

Ta bu ran wo dan xing, jiu shuo yi sie fu yen wo de hua, wo que gan jue hen shang xing.
ke nen shi wo tai selfish le.

Wo xiang zai xi wang de shi, ta yu fan nao, ta yu bu kai xing, ta yu de xiang fa, do gen wo fen xiang.

Dan bu shi wo nen ban bu ban de liao de yuan yin, shi wo xiang dong ni de qing kuang.

I dono how to say, Mybe is me think too much.

But one think is really de wo hai shi ai ni de.

Ru guo yu wen ti ji de yao zao wo, jiu shuan wo bu shi di yi ge, wo ye xiang zuo ti er, ti shan ge.

I still remember "I DO" 19 oct 2008.

Dui bu qi wo hui gen nu li de.